Nets/carcinoid Syndrome · Uncategorized

A Week In and I’m having a break

Its been an eventful week.  My phototherapy machine was ever so kindly delivered by the courier.  Brought down from the photobiology department in Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.  We get it set up in the end bedroom.  Carefully I put the folder with the paperwork on the desk thats in the room.  make sure I have everything, creams, lip protection, goggles for my eyes.    The machine has an engraved plate on the front:  Hope 18.  To me this instantly makes me feel that the machine has some sort of entity and I have it in my head that the machine is of the female gender.  For me it makes its easier when I’m setting up, getting myself changed,  typing in the keypad – the time to warm myself in front of the lights.

My treatment gets done in quarters, I’m a piece of meat; getting carefully timed under the grill and turned over precisely as the timer says.    The bright lights shine up the whole room, when the beeper makes the familiar noise I safely take off the protective goggles.  My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to normality.

The first treatment over.   We have a quiet evening.  Next morning,  I wake up do my usual routine, my skin is a little drier than usual, but nothing to write home about.

Treatment two is fine.

Treatment three, approximately six hours after my treatment I feel my skin very tight.  There is a distinct redness to my skin.  Ouch.  Plenty of cream.  12 hours later and the redness has subsided.  24 Hours later a patch has developed on my throat.  And I can tell you its sore.  Both inside and out.  Its red and angry.  Evelyn my nurse came to do my peg care and my octreotide treatment injection.  Boy, was I glad to see her.  When she walked in, she first asked about my throat.  I told her how things were going.  She thought the best thing was to phone the photobiology unit at the hospital and ask what to do.  In the meantime she did my peg care, octreotide injection and checked over my throat.

I phoned the photobiology unit.  As ever the staff were fantastic.  Gently talked me through everything. They asked me to send photos.  Its been decided I have to stay off treatment till this Monday.  Take another photograph and send it to them, we will then decide when to restart the treatment and what dose.  The hospital staff have been in touch with me, my nurse and my GP – all on that morning – I have had my hydrocortisone replacement therapy medication increased and been prescribed hydrocortisone cream to apply on the affected area.   I feel very warm, like I’ve been cooked from the inside out – microwave fashion.   If i was cooked inside out, can you imagine my parathyroid glands if my skin on my throat looks and feels like this.

Fingers crossed it heals quickly and I can get back to my treatment soon.

 

 

My Sore Throat After Phototherapy

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Nets/carcinoid Syndrome · Tube Feeding

Dying To Look Good

You look great –  that’s the words we all long to hear.  We all want to look our best.  Whether we are nipping to the supermarket, having a lazy day,  or going out for dinner.  The last thing I want is folk to be surprised that I look normal”

So why is it that there are times when people say certain phrases to me that can set my tummy into turmoil and make me feel guilty for having an illness.  These words are usually said in such an innocent manner and no malice is ever meant.   Sometimes I can get upset by what has been said to me, regardless of how harmless the conversation is.  The person paying the compliment is usually always blameless.

The conversations and body language that are directed to me are intended to be kind and gentle.  A gentle hand stroking my arm and the words that first come out how are you keeping?    One of the ladies in our support network group particularly doesn’t like this phrase.  I have spoken to many people whilst I have been in hospital and yes they are affected by what’s said too.  Certain words affect folks more than others, the word keeping was one that some found hard to deal with.   I’m not quite sure why, as I say it’s always said with such niavity.  Perhaps it’s because the word keeping is associated with custody and criminal.  Many people with with chronic illnesses have life changing situations after their diagnosis and can often feel like a prisoner in their own home and need the help of others.  Maybe this is a possibility why keeping is not liked by this person.  I can’t go out on my own, and I’m very grateful for the help I get, not feeling sorry for myself – promise 😘.

Most of the time words said don’t bother me too much at all.  I can put them in a box and breathe.  What really drives me crazy is the tone that the  conversation is spoken to me in.  The very pitch can affect my mood, and hence a knock on affect on my health.  Most days I will banter and have fun, if something is said in a teasing manner I will take it like water off a ducks back.  However if I’m having a difficult day the slightest thing will reduce me to tears.

So why do we want to look good?  – why not?  I personally want to look like my old self.  I want to be my husband’s wife 💕.   My wonderful staff at Ninewells hospital in Dundee have specially manufactured coloured cream for my skin to put on every day.  The transformation is fantastic.  It covers every blemish, wrinkle, gives me a lovely colour.  And it looks so natural. Once it’s on properly you wouldn’t know I had cream on.   For me it takes a lot of work to look “normal” – I smear my entire body in several creams three times a day.  Steve’s cousin Anna commented on how much work it was and how good the transformation the Dundee cream made – this actually made me feel good that she was so open.

The good thing about the chronic illness.  It’s on the inside.  We can cover it up.  Put on the war paint and put on a smile 😀😀  it’s good to smile, it’s infectious. Smile and the world smiles with you.  When you are all dressed and tried your hardest to look good, whether you are dressed to the nines or in a tracksuit, and have make up on or not.  If I am happy I always look better.  I know I am loved and this certainly makes me happy.    It can be hard to look good for anyone at anytime but I will say my family and friends do make my life much better.

I love to buy and get treated to nice clothes and accessories.  My favourites are Ragamuffin, Fatface, Michael kors, Pandora.  My hubby, Steve is so good to me.  Steve wants to treat me and make me feel good, he is the one that sees me feeling so rubbish at home. And puts up with my grumpy pants sulking moods 😂😂 – for my sake just as well he loves me.