We all get tired. Sometimes we will wake up after a nights sleep and feel like we could go back to bed again for another session. Or sitting on an afternoon the eyelids choose to close and we need that little cat nap. Examples of tiredness like this is common and normal.
Since the diagnosis of the carcinoid syndrome I have noticed that little cat naps in the afternoon have been getting more frequent. And lasting much longer. I then found at times the least amount exertion and I was tired, a tad more and then really tired, and then shattered.
I spoke to my net specialist about being so tired and he got me to describe how I was feeling, when, etc. For those of you that know me you will know this will have been a big long winded story coming from my mouth. So I went on to describe how I felt on one of these days. I gave the prof an example, after putting on my creams (all over my body) I would then walk along our hall of our cottage, on walking back my legs would start to feel like a dead weight. I was walking as if I had iron boots on. My body felt as if I was taking a giant step for mankind, when actually I shuffling along the hall. All my energy was getting used up concentrating to try and get from the bathroom back to the sitting room. Gripping onto the familiar radiator. Phew made it back to my secure safe mauve sofa. Despite the thumping heart, jelly legs and utter need to close my eyes, I feel triumphant. Not a big task for most, but on days like this I am pleased with myself. Now time for some shut eye. The conclusion from my docs ; fatigue.
Fatigue. As time has gone on I can honestly say it has became more of a problem and a darn sight more exhausting. However, accepting it and managing everyday life is the way to go. It was our anniversary, we jumped in the Audi convertible, a sunny late afternoon in August. Drive into Edinburgh, we drove to?; surprise surprise our fav restaurant Cafe Rouge for Steve to get a Steak and I enjoyed sipping a cool mixed berry spritz. Twenty minutes in the restaurant and I feel Steve gently kick my foot under the table. Biff you are dozing off, says Steve. I jump up sorry, think I need to order a set of matchsticks. Words can’t explain how bad I felt. You would think there was glue on my eyelids pulling them together. I was scared to talk for the dread of yawning. Imagine, the person I am most comfortable with in the world and yet at that moment I felt awkward for the fear of closing my eyes. It was our anniversary, a date night; we hardly go out and I certainly didn’t want to ruin it or disappoint my husband. I focussed on the room, we chatted about our day, and a few other things. It was then time to go to The Show at The Edinburgh Festival. Steve had got us tickets to see a live show. It was amazing. The music was wonderful, we both sang our hearts out. Turned out to be a great night.
I was at a Net Natter Meeting. Hosted by Ann Edgar Charitable Trust. Our Net Cancer Support Group. You can find out more about the charity at http://www.taect.scot. I haven’t been for a couple of months. Barbara, Margaret, Muriel, Eric and I were talking about exhaustion and fatigue. Eric was telling us how if he tries to do something in the garden the pains in his legs are awful. And how the fatigue can suddenly overwhelm him. Barbara and Margaret have similar experiences. I told them I had been to my GP last week to get my GTN spray, while we were chatting she was very good at explaining about fatigue and people with cancer. In many surveys or asking a person with cancer, fatigue is one of the worst symptoms that a person deals with . We were sharing stories about how difficult we find things and the need to rest. Muriel looked over at Eric smiled, turned to me and then said, think I better go easier on . We all gave a laugh. The friendship and sharing experiences at the group help a great deal. I got home from the meeting after dark. And no denying I was tired. Next day I was shattered. But its good to have reason for being exhausted.